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I was just thinking about how God moves in mysterious ways. But you know, you don't have to - use your turn signal!
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Don't let people make fun of you because your fat. You're bigger than that.
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The answer to all your problems MIGHT be hidden underneath a perfectly cooked steak. It might not, but it's worth checking out. If that doesn't work, you might want to check the bottom of a pan of brownies - I've had luck there, too.
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People don't seem to know the difference between being tired and being exhausted. If you run behind a car, you'll get exhausted. If you run in front of a car, you'll get tired - don't do that!
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80% of bald people own a comb. They just can't part with it.
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Medical
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Why do shooting stars taste better than comets? They are a little meteor.
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I'm pretty sure toasters were the first form of popup notifications.
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If you put one lasagna on top of another lasagna, I'm not sure if it's still two lasagnas or if it becomes one lasagna. But what I do know is that we're going to have a good time!
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Do you know why you never see pigs hiding in trees? Because they can't actually get in trees.
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I always found the shovel to be a ground breaking invention. However, it was the wheel that got things rolling. But best of all, it was the broom that truly swept the nations!
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History
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Remember: A cow that has given birth is officially de-calf-inated.
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Fun Fact: If you feed your chickens while naked, your neighbors will build you a privacy fence.
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Animals
Bathroom
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